Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
