you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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