I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize