Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
