booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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