who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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