I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
