Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is my gift to your gina
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
