I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just puked most of my soul out..
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