He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
