No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
