I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
