Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
