dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
