All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
