I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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