We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
