I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My life is pants optional.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
