sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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