I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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