Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
