if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
