i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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