Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
