if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
