It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
