and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
