I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
