So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
