He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
