he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
