I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
