I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
