Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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