Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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