dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
