My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize