Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
