I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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