Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
