On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
