My hair reeks of homosexuality.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
