i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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