I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
