i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
