did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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