I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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