I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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