Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize