she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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