is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
