so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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