I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
