Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
