ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
