I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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