they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
