Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We're too hungover to prance.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
