I could have mohawked her pubes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
