Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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