ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
