it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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