WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
