i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
