I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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