Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
