It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
