I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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