3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize