rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
