the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
