There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
