He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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