Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
