I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
