I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
