Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
