I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
